My friend came out as sexual today!
I am part of the asexual majority (of course), but I try to be supportive of sexuals.
Friend: “I have something to say. This is really hard for me. I’m sexual. I know you might hate me for it, but you have to know.”
Me: “Sexual? What’s that?”
Friend: “It means I experience sexual attraction”
Me: “Gosh, that sounds like a curse. I mean, uh… Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll grow out of it. You’ll be normal in a couple years.”
Friend: “I don’t think I will. That would be like you suddenly becoming sexual!”
Me: “Well, it’s a condition, right? Just go see a doctor, you can get treatment for that. I support you.”
Friend: “It’s not a condition, it’s a sexual orientation!”
Me: “Sexual orientations don’t exist, only asexual orientations do. You can’t just change the definitions of things to make yourself feel better. You have a problem, just admit it.”
Friend: “It’s not a problem! I found a community on the internet! There are others like me!”
Me: “Everything is on the internet. Bunch of special snowflakes! I think you’re just trying to get attention.”
I don’t understand why I lost a friend! I was so helpful!
I’m so sorry that your friend wasn’t understanding!
How old were they? Are you sure your friend is old enough to be making such a call? I mean, might not have even had a chance for an asexual experience!
They must be ashamed of their asexuality; I mean, why would someone actually repress something so integral and vibrant? That would just be kind of sad and pathetic if someone really did deny that part of themselves. C’mon, it’s not like we’re monks in the middle ages!
It’s likely just a phase. Maybe they’re just scared of growing up, and this is how your friend is acting out; after all, your blooming asexuality is an essential part of maturation.
Don’t they know that asexuality is the norm? Sexuality is, kind of, you know, unnatural. It’s the exception, not the rule. Just like puppies born with three eyes. Your friend clearly has a hormone imbalance.